NEXT!!

Work. All work and no play makes Jack, Jill and Humpty Dumpty dull. I'm just thinking, hey, I would like to remember what my first official day (according to the contract, that is) was like. When I look back 30 years from now on my retirement day, I want to remember everything - not knowing anything, feeling nervous and a tad bit scared but surprisingly non-heart thumping experience. This marks my first day of taking responsibility, real accountability for my work and my actions, and most importantly the first day of what I hope to be of some contribution to this field.

Almost immediately I'm taken by the relaxed atmosphere of the place. No one seems to be in a hurry and that's a strange feeling for me. No stress, no pressure - easy transition to the workplace. Is this some kind of trick? Where's the crisis? Where's the action?' I thought to myself. I wanted to jump in immediately! Rearing to go after almost a year's hiatus from psychology!

Pause.

I reminded myself. No brash decisions, no quick judgments, keep your mind open to the experience and equip yourself with the time and resources given before you're ready to execute informed actions. There is a lot to learn, and a lot of questions to ask. And of course, there is the people. Respect, integrity and responsibility. I got to know a few clients today. Open your eyes, ears and heart. Don't be blinded by the illness, look at the effort. Never just hear; listen. Don't just read the history, notes and files; ask for thoughts, emotions and strengths.

When I look back one day, I wanted to know that I remembered to practice these principles and know that I upheld them as best as I could from the first day.

Next stage of life, Helen. Stand up tall and take in everything. It's the beginning of what you've always wanted. Pat on the back for making it happen. And now? Go do what's meant for you and love it :)

Adventures of Grandpa's Ghost

I dreamt of Grandpa last night. He came back to us, in ghost form. He was looking for ‘small Annie’. Only problem, ‘small Annie’ is not exactly small anymore. He stood between my unsuspecting parents in the driveway, listening in on our conversations. This gave mom a bit of a fright. Had she or had she not said something about Grandapa since his passing? The mark of a gossip that is – to be more horrified at the idea that the ghost has heard an unsavoury remark rather than the ghost himself. But that’s ok, so Grandpa says. Her cooking is really good. Especially those dead-man muffins. You know, the white ones and those coloured in putrid pink.

He actually eats them? I ask.

Mom calls me a silly child, didn’t I always notice that they were intact after prayer?

They smell heavenly though, says Grandpa. When you’re dead you can’t taste anything. Great sense of smell though.

Had I always been able to See? Had I always seen him? Well, not till now really. It’s been 9 years now. Where had he been? To China. How typical. For all these years? Well yes, assuming Grandma headed that way. Where is she now? I stare behind him, thinking she might be hiding somewhere. Ran off with a general. Always been a runner that one. You do know she ran here all the way from China didn’t you? With you, Grandpa? I thought you met here. No, with some other bloke. Alas, poor man didn’t have my good looks.

Mom interrupts in a whisper, why’s he come back?

He can hear you, you know.

Well, then?

He’s come to see if we’re ok and was surprised to find the house empty. We’ve been away, To Paris.

Ah.. Nice place Paris, says Grandpa. Rude people though.

You went to Paris?!

Just a short detour from China.

I know my geography Grandpa. Paris is wayyyy over on the other side.

So back to the questions. How could I see him? Do I have the Gift?

Well, most children can really.

I’m not a child!

And the innocent, he added quickly. Not naïve. Just those who are you know, pure.

Grandpa!!!! I look at my parents. They do NOT need to know about my sex life.

No, not sex. It’s more than that. Anyway, I probably won’t seem as clear to you as I would the other two.

So if I can see you then.. what about that evil woman who haunted me? Does this mean you’re haunting us? (Yay!)

Ghosts who haunt are those without friends. Grandma was right to rub burnt ashes across your forehead. Turned her off. Strong sense of smell. Each to their own dislikes. Garlic useful for some.
I’ve been sleeping in the garden shed for the past week, waiting for you. So can I see ‘small Annie’ now? Something to ask her.

Almost there - Clinically Certified (Part 2): Acceptance

Date: 21st December, 2007

Sitting on stacked mattresses on the floor in Lik Hwan's room in Subang Jaya, KL. Four days to Christmas, on a visit to see Three great friends, Two great disappointments and One second away from the best news of the year.

Inbox.

Dear Helen

Just a brief email to let you know that you are being made an offer into the Master of Psychology (Clinical) at Deakin - congratulations!!!

I have notified Deakin International but it may take some time before the paperwork reaches you so I just wanted to let you know now, so you can have a happy new year, and get your visa paperwork moving along.

All the best, and I'll look forward to working with you in the new year.
:-)
Catherine

Yay!!!!!!!! Start calling people. Everyone, anyone who would listen. Best Christmas present ever (Not that I'd ever had many coz we don't celebrate Christmas). Only one thing in my mind: All. the. hard. work. has. paid. off! For the rest of the summer I forgot about Unimelb, Queensland, what have you. Screw that! I. have. a. shot. at. this! And that was all that mattered. Really. Little did I know I would struggle to convince myself of the same thing during the months to come.

People of the world!
Every boy and every girl!
Word of Advice (in Malaysian fashion):

Master of Psychology (Clinical), don't play play, k?
Banyak susah ni.
*swt*

Almost there - Clinically Certified (Part 1): Getting there

It's a blazing 33 degree Celcius weather. I can't concentrate on my thesis so here I am, updating my blog. Not that there is a lot to update about. But I thought perhaps, memoirs from the last two years since I have not blogged much due to time constraints.

Summer 2007/08

It was the same sweltering weather. The same old routine - thesis, assignments, and the neverending lists of applications and interviews. By the end of it I counted 18 applications, 12 interviews and a million decisions.

Four distinct memories come to mind. My first interview for a Clinical Masters took place in Queensland. It was 30th of October, in the midst of exams and 4th year thesis submission. 'Yay, day trip!' I thought.

I boarded the flight feeling sick to my stomach. By then I'd already been absolved of my 'flair' for motion sickness. It wasn't the food either. Just nerves.

I had a bag packed with my interview clothes, water bottle, accessories, my ethics book (no kidding), and of course a list of questions I thought they were going to ask. I really really wanted to get in.

I remember stepping out of the airport and being engulfed in this sudden heat wave. Travelling by train and then bus to the St Lucia campus of Uni. Queensland caused no trouble. I arrived at 11am, my interview was at 2.15pm. I fell in love with the campus immediately. Open spaces, riverside breeze, friendly people, great research. Needless to say, I flunked my interview. If there was a slam dunk for sinking your chances I did it, not once, not twice but several times that afternoon. I shook like a leaf during the interview (mind you, there were two nice ladies), sweat pouring (talk about disgusting) and trembling voice. At one point one of the interviewers asked me if I was ok. Everything went to hell pretty quickly after that. All I wanted to do was get the hell out of there and back to Melbourne.

Even knowing how badly I did then, I still cried my eyes out when the letter came.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That wasn't the only crying I did that summer. The ever elusive letter from Uni. of Melbourne was devastating. Looking back, I don't know why I wanted it so much, other than the fact that it was Uni. of Melbourne, which made less sense now. You'd think I would know better after my fantastic hands-on practical experience at Swinburne. But no, I was gutted. After just getting off from an incredible year at Swinburne, I was flying high, proudly making anyone who would consent to read my thesis and flashing my stellar grades at anyone who would listen. I am reminded time and time again of how vulnerable (and silly) I was to let my self-belief ride so much on my grades and academic endeavours.

"Daddy, am I good enough?"

Yesterday

Yesterday I did not pass my family therapy exam. This morning I got up and congratulated myself.
I spent today thinking:
What could I have done better?
Where do I go from here?
What does this mean?

Most people here don't know I was a failing student in high school, right up to my final high school certificate examinations. What bothered me the most was that I never really tried.

I know I tried this time. I've been trying for the past 7 years to never let myself down again. Yesterday wasn't enough.

Funny what I was thinking when it wasn't me.
"Oh it's all his fault."
"They're just mean"

The moment it happened to me, the moment I walked out that room my thoughts changed.
This is more than an exam, it is a test for me. There were things I couldn't control - what my lecturer thought of my exam, the student who reminded me of my mom, the fact that I didn't know what was expected of me, the fates that stated that yesterday would come down upon me in such a way that I would irrevocably have to face my fears.

Then there are the things I could change and review - how I could have utilized the techniques better, what I could have said during the time, and now, how I can look at myself and think of what I can do rather than lament the things I can't control. Because no matter how many times the words 'unfair' and 'why' pop up, words are just words in the end.

You know there are people out there who don't have education, you know there are people out there who aren't given opportunities, meals, a house to live in, family members who love and friends who care. 'So what is it that makes this more difficult?' I ask myself sometimes. Yesterday I got my answer, because we always forget how lucky we are.

The lecturer mentioned that I was too gentle in my approach, not directive enough. Then I told myself, this previously never-say-no and afraid-to-speak-up self, 'Only you realize the long way you have come from before, so don't stop now.'

As my father always reminds us: Don't be afraid of challenges, they are there not to bring you down but to make you stronger.

I failed again this time, but not as the same person who failed years ago. Because I am still here, and I am stronger and better.

Sarawak State Marching Band Competition 2008 Results

As it were, another year has come and gone by. It's always difficult to see kids getting disappointed and heartbroken. I remember being at that age where winning is almost all that matters. I hate to say it. That mentality worked well in the school most of the time - mainly because there were hardly any loses. But then the occasion comes when it has to happen, and you'll see sad faces. I think that is where I get some of my spirit from. During my time, in that setting and under those particular circumstances with all the desolate instruments and skills we had, we were known as the best band around Miri. That was saying something because St. Co always put up a good fight. Now, if you're thinking this isn't familiar to you, then it's likely that you're too young to remember this. But yes, things were different back then.

Until one day in 2001, we were caught in this whirlwind that began this different era - the State Marching Band Competition. After the ho-hum and high spirits, we got handed our asses basically. Let me tell you, we were crying like how our juniors are now. Crying our hearts out then because the impact was just too unbearable. For myself, I think the tears were of confusion rather than anything else. It's the taste of unfamiliarity. Defeat was not something we were accustomed too.

But you know what? We all rose from that in more ways than one. Every year since then, I watched as my juniors came to terms about the position we're in and they've continued to improve by the year. No where to go but up!

I told a fellow ex-member and junior last night, as the years passed, winning became less of an issue. More so, the magic lies behind the renewed spirits every single time the members are pushed back to the ground. You have to see the tough stuff they are made of. It's a lifetime's worth of games you have to play - fall down, get up, falldown, getup, falldowngetup! And they never give up! Never missed a year of competition - always believing in themselves no matter what the outcome is.

So let me say this to you now..
You have done well in more ways than one, so that's something to be proud of. Now one day you will understand, out of these experiences, you will have risen more than scores and placing, because you know how to pick yourself up again when all has fallen apart. That's how you win.

Results

1st - St. Joseph Kuching
2nd - SMK Chung Hua Miri
3rd - St. Joseph Miri

Best Percussion - St. Joseph Miri
Best Drum Major - Chung Hua Miri (Terrence Ling)
Best Colourguards - Chung Hua Miri
Best Preparation - Chung Hua Miri

If you'd like a taste of the program this year, one of the songs is embedded to the right-hand side of the blog. Illuminations: Reflections of Earth. Videos will be up as soon as I get my hands on them.

**edit: All videos can be found here http://www.youtube.com/user/einzen

Sarawak State Marching Band Competition 2008

This is a short clip from last year, should be a good preview of the standards to be expected tomorrow! :D

Let the battle of the bands begin!

All the best! :D

-Video credit goes to ex-member of SJS Kuching, Anthony Tham.

Those Sparkly Things

Highlight of the Day:
I met Jeremy AGAIN. This time on the tram as I was getting back from Baillieu Lib. I saw him yesterday at Borders. Too bad he's oh-so-gay!! And oh-so-cute! :( This is a significant theory boys and gals. Good guys are taken or gay. Damn it.

For some reason I always feel a little lonely when I see fireworks. Maybe it's because I've been sharing fireworks experiences with people since young, and watching them alone reminds me of those times.

I've missed Moomba for two years now. I see them now from a distance. I might just go check it out tomorrow - alone, or with someone else.

I need to work tonight, or so I tell myself. Only because there isn't anyone special.

Thinking about Writing

You know there are brilliant storytellers like Jeffrey Archer and writers like Jodi Picoult that make you cry all the time. There are so many "budding" writers out there, so what makes you think you're outstanding?

Hmm. I like writing. I don't know if I love it. If blogging constitutes as part of the art of "writing" then I guess I write frequently enough. Very early on I realize I don't have the makings of generating amazing-sounding prose. Then somewhere along the line I notice that no matter how hard I tried, I never could come up with a decent plot. By decent I mean something out of this world, something that has never been thought about before. So what am I good at really? You have to have some "special" talent to write, but surely there has to be something that makes you stand out if you want a book on the shelves?

Not that it's one of my big goals. But I guess I care enough to dream about it.

I think it was some time around the second year of uni, most probably during Marion's class when I discovered what I could work on as an amateur writer (beside my spelling and grammar, that is) - speech and thoughts, more specifically the human mind. Heck you know, I'm studying psychology, surely it'll work for me.

First year of uni creative writing told me I couldn't do poetry (granted the lack of vocab and my dead mind when it comes to playin' around with words) even if my life depended on it. <---- Immediate second problem, too many cliches due to reading confined to Enid Blyton and too many Sweet Valley books (which is just a longer way of saying, "I suck" at it).

Ah yes, what a shocker. I only started expanding the scope of my reading material when I got into university. Imagine how ecstatic I was when I found out about Harry Potter in Form 5. I know, you're going "Form 5? It was out ages ago!" If people remember, it was then the fourth book had just been published and that was when the hype started but back to the point - I wasn't really reading anything with interesting plots other than those from the likes of Secret Seven, Famous Five, Fear Street, Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys. All of which, by the way, are perfectly good reading material for young kids - no questions asked.

So while I was caught up with the lives of delightful blonde twins, my writing consisted of short-lived escapades and teenage lovesick woes. In fact, after the first creative writing class, I started questioning whether I was meant to be doing this or if it was even worth my time given the lack of talent. My tutor Courtney however, was very encouraging and continued to challenge me for the whole of first year. She insisted on writing about things which I could identify with, and this of course, she reprimanded, does not include flighty character imitations based on shallow identification with 12 year olds living in a world of impossible adventures. You see how endearing she was.

So I wrote about little Yuan who watched her general hero die on hangman's trap and her resentment towards her Communist boot-licking father who paid less attention to her than he did her younger brother. Then post-tsunami I identified Ying amongst the debris of her swept away village, watching the calm waters which hours ago had consumed her family and her childhood.

At the end of second year, under the guidance of Marion I began the journey of Azman who struggled to fit in with his people and yet finds himself unable to discard friendships with those of another race. It started off as an insert of simple thought in a situation of extreme social discrimination and segregation but as time (plus assignments, plus humans, plus life) caught up with me, I have yet to know where Azman is heading. A lot has happened to this country in a short period of time. What I set out to write two years ago may very well become true before I have the chance to finish it.

I can't spout decent poetry, I don't have Webster's implanted in my head, and I can't take wild fantasy rides to other worlds. But I reckon I know myself enough to trust that unmasking realistic trains of thoughts and detailed observation of human behaviour can work well for readers who want to identify with their literary heroes.

Now all there's left to do is actually start writing again.

The Reality of Depression

Most recently I've started volunteering at a not-for-profit organisation. As a volunteer, my job is basically to moderate the messageboards, reply to emails and chat with the members of the forum. Sounds easy? Working there brings forum moderating to another level. After having completed training and a few sessions with our Volunteer Coordinator, I was ready to go on my first solo shift last night.

Remember this: Never again will there be any simple remarks about being "depressed". These members have it tough. Depression is serious and it's nothing anyone could ever imagine unless they've experienced it. 10pm, I was ready for a couple of people to say they were feeling down or having a bad day coz that's what usually happens and has happened during my training shifts.


I had three people telling me they felt suicidal last night.


"HELP! What do I do?"


The chat requests came one after another, the next one more serious than the previous. I thought my head was going to explode! I managed to keep calm and went through the procedures.

"I don't trust them."

"I'm sick of hospitals and medicine."

"My psydoc doesn't understand me."


None of them worked. Do you understand how hard it is for them to get by each day without feeling like giving up? Honestly, I didn't until last night. Not even during training where it wasn't in any way as intense as what happened.

My shift ended up at 4am, tried to stay up till the Coordinator arrived at the office (7.30am) but fell asleep a bit before that, thinking about these members.

1.30pm - Are they alive? I hope no one ended their life last night.

"Yes, they are alright. Don't worry."

Thanks to my Coordinator who sent me a lengthy email to talk me through this experience. It was an intense and worrying night, but I came away being more confident, and knowing that I will be able to handle a situation where the best you can do is to support people.

At the moment, you can only hope they will get through tough times, even if it's just for another day. I can't wait to get qualified as a practicing psychologist to do more.

*Quotes in text are not direct replications of statements made (i.e., they are fiction) but are generated to depict as accurately as possible the thoughts and feelings of persons involved.

Hellen's Farewell: And then there were four..

Last year was the worst and best year for me. I had someone who made the journey so much easier with her support and advice. She's my good friend and she's my twin :) if not in our sense of humour then in our identical sounding names.

This is Hellen. When you look at her it's not the small stature or big ROCK on her finger :P that you see (although it's pretty mind-blowing :P), it's the confident posture and her sweet smile that tell you everything about this tough woman - her spunkiness, her honesty and her genuine character. The self-assured way she dictates herself and also how she treats others is what makes her a great friend.

Me, Cindy, Hellen and Tsu Ann at the airport this morning.

I remember last year two weeks before our exams, I was backed into a corner and felt very conflicted. Hellen extended her arms to me during this critical period with her unyielding support. Sympathetic, wise and yet not pushy, Hellen is the person you want to have around in a crisis. She immediately dropped everything she was doing and took a ride up just to meet me and listened to a sob story from beginning till end without judging.

Sabrina, Hellen, me, Cindy and Tsu Ann two nights ago at Hellen's farewell.

I miss the times when Sabrina, Hellen, Yi Ying and I would lounge at Borders, getting "high" on coffee and saying silly things to get our minds off the pressure we were feeling. Sometimes Sabrina would be working behind the counter, sneaking us extra caramel and trying not to laugh as the rest of us try to crack her up. I used to watch in amazement as Yi Ying and Hellen scoured the huge shelves of manga and dash to buy little figurines of their favourite characters. Then Tsu Ann would drop by towards the evening, declaring "lame" and "aunties ah!" at us when we start giggling randomly. Nowadays, it's just me, the coffee and the books.

Sabrina, Hellen, Me, Yi Ying and Tsu Ann on the last day of exams, 2006.

Getting into uni and especially for those people who want to do well, you expect the competition to be tough but you never expect the people to be so cutthroat. In terms of this, uni life is a small dose of what getting out into the real world will be like - every man for himself and unforgiving. It's not easy to get to the top and you realize a lot of people are stingy and manipulative, living it as a do-or-die situation.

"What is this?! It's not even a shape! I have two lame friends"

- Tsu Ann, 2007.

"Eh.. don't want HTS.. FBI sounds much better!"

- Cindy on "Teman Tapi Mesra", 2007.

Coming to Swinburne and comparing notes with my acquaintnaces made me realize how hard it is for someone to share and completely trust another. It made me realize what I have with these girls is rare and special in the way that only genuine friends can be - we have so much more than exams, books and papers in our friendship.

"Helennnnnnnnnn.. exam how?! Se-ked"

- Yi Ying @ bunnY, 2006 in Org. Psych Lecture.

"Are you wearing heels? What is I fall off the stairs when I'm climbing up?!"

- Sabrina on graduation day, 2006.

We're missing you already Hellen and we hope you and Erwin will have a wonderful life together filled with love, trust, understanding and kindness. Otherwise, be sure to demand for some more ROCKS~ :P

Hellen and Erwin.

"We have to be strong and I think women don't realize how strong they can be. I also think that as women, we are special because we strike an extraordinary balance - having the inner strength for ourselves and yet being subtle enough to allow the men to keep their pride." - Hellen, 2006.

Pepsi Cola one two three~

My cousin Shin Yee used to stand in front and dictated the game with such vigour that we all end up laughing anyways and losing. She always started with a slow one.

"Pepsi Cola... one..... two...... three!"
"Pepsi Cola.. onetwothree!"

"Onetwothree!" "Onetwothree!" "Onetwothreeonetwothreeontwothreeonetwothree!"

Of course being a kid, you're pretty quick on your feet. But at this point, we would always give up and collapse to the ground laughing our asses off.

Every Saturday afternoon, all the cousins would gather and pool in our "allowances". Although I admit, the occasional coin was picked up from the floor of house somewhere. Shin Yee being the oldest - her brother and sister were too old to play with us, would take the money and run outside at the first *beep* of the bread van. She would come back with an array of goodies and split the remainder of the money carefully. It was mostly just bread and sugar (doughnuts) or those with "icing" (our favourites! but very limited). We would have "tea" on the floor of Ah Ma's house and ruin our appetites for Saturday night dinner.

I was seven and feeling particularly rebellious. During the first half of the year, the entire school was playing "police dan pencuri" in our small yard. It was an accident waiting to happen within those 20 minutes of break time (now known as reccess). The teachers were terrified. Understandable. 150 school kids running around like like there's no tomorrow - I'd dig my own hole and hide. Pronto. Primary 1 kids (me!) through to the Primary 6 kids who at the time, looked like giants to me. We were the good guys and bad guys. This girl Celine who was in Primary 6 was the leader of the other team. I couldn't remember which I was on. Must've been a robber.

It was during one of these sessions where I was pushed to the ground and scraped my knees on the basketball court. I got up, turned around and gave Celine a big push in return, then sat down, and bawled my eyes out. That was the biggest knee injury I have yet. There's a big scar I'd be happy to show anyone - the first signs of violence :)

The second half of the year came with a promotion. I sat next to Gavin in class. He was one of the "guai-lous" whose father was transferred to Miri because of Shell. I forgot what he said to me one day, but we both ended up in the principal's office. Myself with a bruise on the nose and him with several scratches down the face. That's why they call it cat fights when ladies do it. So I guess Gavin and I were having a cat-brawl.

Colin, Phoebe, Annie and I went through the Power Rangers hype with the occasional help from Shin Yeou and Li Kun who alternated as the Black Ranger and August as the Honorary Green Ranger, but although lived further away in the Land of No Return but made it occasionally back to Earth on some Sundays to help us ward off evil creatures.

As a kid I was ankle-sprain prone. I've sprained my ankle more times than I can remember. There was this one time though. The pinnacle of all pains, Dad brought me to a Chinese dai fu to have my ankle "put right". I put on a brave face. That was, till the master pulled at my foot. Then I started to cry like a baby. I was 10.

"Eh.. be brave.. will be over soon.. Blue Ranger mah.. Blue Ranger doesn't cry.."

I was stunned to silence. How in the world did Dad know I was Blue Ranger? I didn't even realize he knew what we were up to. Of course, our bicycles-turned-dinosaurs, fake badges and bandannas did nothing to help point him to the right direction.

2nd Aunt used to have a cat. When Astra, Colin's and Phoebe's mongrel passed away in a freak accident - the cat was the only pet left. One day we found four kittens nestled in the "garage" area of the Ah Ma's house. Blackie, Brownie, Ginger and a fourth I can't remember what we named him became our pets. Every Sunday afer Tang Soo Do lessons at the Che Sing Khor temple at the end of the street, we would feed and play with the little kittens until they were not so little anymore.

Leonardo, Donatello, Michaelangelo and Raphael graced us in their soft green shells after the kittens were gone. We took them out and placed them on the grass in Colin's garden. They would crawl around and we would stroke, tease and conduct turtle races. The grass was so green that one day we lost Raphael. We spent days looking for him, crawling near the big drains outside our house calling his name like he could answer us. One day Donatello died and when Leo and Mic grew too big (3kgs each?) we released them at the "Pek Kong" temple by the fish market in town.

A lot of people I know try to make up for their lost childhood. I've had a whacky one, filled with our own hand-made batu seremban sets, "ice" and fair share of bruises and scrapes. All still fresh in mind.

About Me

I was reading one of my old blogs (yes, I've had multiple turnovers) and figured this one of the better introductions about myself.

For those who don't already know. My name is Helen. You can call me Helen or anything else you like 'cept shithead, pighead, anything that ends with head, I detest being critcized for my mind.

I'm as normal as the next person. Which means, sometimes I'm a complete nut case (Note : not nuthead), and other times I'm pretty safe. I think? You can't really tell when you're acting crazy most of the time. *grinz*

Anyways, I'm Mirian. You know? Miri? 10th city of Malaysia? Most recent city? 20/05/2005? Maybe not. And here I thought we were getting out of the jungle and out into the world. "Getting out of the jungle? HAHA Get it? West Malaysians had better get that. After all those jungle and cannibalism snides. RahHhH! That's right. I eat people.

I love reading. Picked up my first book when I was four. Some story about a black cat. No witch though. My house looks like a library. Another one of my hobbies : Music. Passion really. I love listening to music. I just have to everytime I go online. I play the saxophone, organ, drums, clarinet.. basically anything I can get my hand on. Though one time I tried to play the guitar, I realized I have really really short fingers. So that's the one instrument I can't play to date. I used to do a lot of swimming. Mom threw me into the pool when I was 6 and WALLA~ A swim champion was born! I wish. LOL. I am pretty fast, for an average person that is. Nothing like those national representatives. Now THAT'S scary. Ever heard of the coach who put alligators in the pool? Anyways, that's another story.

What am I doing now? I'm a graduate Psychology student at Swinburne Uni of Tech, Australia. I'm in my fourth year doing this "mind-reading" stuff. We all think that Psychology is such a fascinating subject right? Well, after all that mind-reading excitement and you enrol for the course, suddenly they tell you reading minds won't come till honours year (Thank God I'm finally there). They torture you with three years of theories, incredibly credible lecturers (retired psychologists obviously), and long long long hours of dozing in classes, enough lab reports to last you this life and the next. All this happens before you get to the good and juicy stuff and that's IF you pass with average weight of 70% or more.

I have a pretty normal family. Mom, Dad, sister Annie, 19, and brother Albert, 15 (and growing really big. He looks like a 18 year old. He's 180cm at least.) No pets. Well, maybe a couple of fish.

Now you guys know a little bit about me. But there's more and this is what the blog is for. So I'll leave it at that.

Scare

Make no mistake.. I've definitely run out of interesting things to blog about lately. I was just thinking about my last holidays and figured there had to be something I forgot to pen down. And wallah~ waddya know? There IS something~

Last December while we were in KL, we were met with near crisis. Or rather, quite a scare. It was the very first day we arrived. After a good rest (sleep in my case) at the hotel, we went out for dinner at Jalan Alor. True to their form, Annie and Mom went to Sungei Wang for a first round of shopping. Dad tagged along as well while Albert and I went back to the hotel.

A few minutes later we got a call from Dad, telling us that they couldn't find Annie. Albert and I rushed over. Lo and behold, my parents looked like they were about to begin a shouting match in the middle of the mall which they did eventually. Well, more like Mom started crying and being hysterical and Dad trying to calm her down unsuccessfully. I went to the information centre to get them to page Annie over the speakers and started to search for her myself.

After half an hour, still no show.

The place was jam-packed with people because of a TV series promotion and just because it was Sungei Wang on a Friday night. I asked around at the shops I thought she would visit and surprisingly a lot of people enlisted to help search for her. After several rounds the place, I went back to the information centre only to see her standing there in front of my parents and with May-Lin's parents who happen to be on holiday.

Apparently she was watching the show on stage which was right in front of the information centre -.-" The noise overpowered the announcement. It was only during an intermission when she heard her name and quickly made it (a flight of steps) to the front and greeted by a barrage of scoldings from my parents.

*swt*

Kids, never make your parents worry about you ok? It only takes so much (little?) for them to fall apart.

Happy New Year!!

It's eve and I'm sitting in Albert's room surfing the net. Downtown countdowns (rhyme not intended) have lost their appeal when the citizens of Miri decided that they each need two cars. Weather not permitting, most of us have come to the conclusion that staying home with the relatively stable Internet connection (for now) is perhaps the better way to spend the time reflecting on what we've done (or not done) for the past year.

The only natural thing to do, is to go back and see what your resolutions were and if you've done (any of) them. Here are mine from 30th Dec 2005:

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1) I'm not incredibly smart, but I have good brains and with a little work (ok, maybe not a little, more like MASSIVE), I could be as good as any genius.

2) I'm not the best-looking person but I'm not deformed. Besides, I guess I'm pretty cute ;) LOL. That's the first time I've said that. I mean, you realize that after people start comparing you to soft toys and squeeze your face for no apparent reason. Annie is of opinion that I should stay fat coz being slim would take away the cuteness. Har Har.

3) I could work on the weight problem like I did before. After all, I wasn't born fat and I wasn't always like this *Stops for a moment to think about the four guys who went after her at the same time*. LOL. Somebody slap me if I start stuffing myself. And no slacking from gym! Work that threadmill! Find a nice park if the gym gets sickening.

4) I'm gonna get myself involved in some extra co-curicular activities when the semester starts. This is a department where I've never felt inadequate. A few options : Choral Society (Try out some singing), Drama Society (Brush up those acting skills), Melbourne Uni Overseas Students Society committee (It'll be cool to be a student representative again). Somehow, these areas have always made me feel like I can actually accomplish something. Listen to "I Feel Good" - James Brown, you'll know what I mean ;)

5) Stop putting myself down. Now, this is a hard thing to do. Especially when we, as humans are vain creatures. And we have to look at the mirror everyday. Even without mirrors, we find windows very very interesting.

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Well waddya know? I think I've accomplished just about half of these. Some more than others. Achieving the best results I've had ever in the second semester and brushing up on my clarinet with CMG are what I have to show for this year. God I need to go to gym more consistently.

It's been a year of turmoil, excitement, disappointments and lessons learnt. Have I grown? I would like to think so. Now all there's to do on a night like this is to wish for another year filled with laughter, new adventures and rocky paths to make the whole concept of living your life a bit more interesting :)

Happy New Year!!!!

Humility..

If there's one thing my alma mater has failed in, it is in teaching humility. The art of modesty. It has failed to teach its students respect in others. It has failed in this. That is why one of our biggest fears is to be afraid of failing.

Graduation (15/12/2006)

It's the end of the first phase. Looking back, the best (but not only) way to describe it is a good three years of hard (with the occasional lazy spell) work. For myself personally, it has definitely been the single-most meaningful period of life in terms of working towards academic excellence. A very very trying time, what with travelling overseas and building a new environment in which I could feel at home. I have never known before this the true meaning and rewards of working for what I really want until this point, especially in academics. This short amount of time is, for me, confirmation that if you truly believe in what you do, it'll come to you. It's not been easy, everything takes perserverance, determination and of course a bit of luck. So, lucky me :D

To all who have just begun this journey, hang on because you're in for a bumpy ride but for which in the end hopefully you will find what you want. Unlike what most freshies think, it's not all fun and games and it's not about the late night or how many beers you can drink. But to all who take this on very seriously from the beginning, it's not just about the numbers and what you score. Ultimately, it is about learning and getting as much out of the great opportunity presented to us by the people who love us most, our parents.

To all who are finishing this phase of their lives, always look back and cherish the memories. I think this is the single-most nurturing period of our lives in terms of diversity and cultural richness. Cherish it, for I believe we will never again be amidst such different characters in such cultivated surroundings.

To those who are halfway through, I'm glad to have you guys to walk the path in pursuit of further knowledge and self-realization. Here's to another three (more or less) ahead! Cheers~