Hollow in the Heart

As most Mirians would be aware of, there has been a horrifying case of rape and murder recently.
The girl named Tiffany Wong, a recent graduate from St. Joseph Miri met with death by the hands of her friend. In my opinion, this was a case of intentional murder and that is what's terrifying. Along with the emotional repercussions of the case, another point of interest was the motive and the intention of the alleged (and anyone from home would argue 'definite') murderer.

From rumous and news reports we have gathered:  
a) He was a childhood friend (point of interest: how close were they really? had they been friends all along? case in point: it appears that swhe had wished him a happy birthday sometime in November last year. However, assuming that we have a different mentality as to what friendship is, she seems to be an individual (based on age, the number of FB friends she has, and the number of pictures she takes) who is likely to wish anyone within relative close proximity (let's narrow this down to secondary school friends including seniors and juniors, as well as primary school friends who have gone on to the same secondary school which includes the alleged murderer). Was he a part of her group of friends or merely an acquaintance that she knew since childhood? As I'm considering this point, I'm thinking about the numerous people I know from childhood and have been in the same school but only consider as acquaintances and not "friend".)

b) They have mutual friends (Based on comments on FB, 3rd degree association - "I know that guy too." (knowing both the victim and the prepetrator as members of the same school), 2nd degree association - "He is another friend" (being friends with both victim and prepetrator). At this point, we may establish that they share at best a cordial relationship, or have mutual friends within the same class/school.

c) He had a crush on her that was never reciprocated. (Missing information: Had he perhaps professed his love to her prior and was rejected? Or was this one of those instances where it is unrequitted because he's never had the cojones to do anything? Was he out of her league? Again, based on the number of friends he has (99- before the account was deactivated, present - probably none), compared to the number she had (1095), it would seem that she was Miss cheery and popular, while he remains relatively in the background.

d) She was going to meet a friend who had her result slip OR she was going to school to collect her result slip
(i) If she was going to meet a friend who had her result slip because her father wanted to see it (again, info gathered from various forums)
Points of interest:
did the friend know she was going to get a ride from the guy? if so, she would have clued the parents in as to her whereabouts
why was her result slip with her friend? and if so, did the school release her results to her friend, are they allowed to do that? (just curious) OR she gathered her results and left it with her friend (why though? had she forgotten? or were her results less than desirable for parental viewing? it appears that she scored 4As, which is better than what I did, but then again, I wasn't at home to face the warth of my parents when they found out)
(ii) If she was going to school to collect her result slip, did she call the guy to pick her up? if not, how did he just magically show up at her place to offer her a ride? At this point, perhaps we can establish that they had been exchanging text messages, so what does that tell us about their friendship? probably closer than just a cordial friendship re: back to point (b), or she's just a super friendly girl

e) She had willingly gotten into his car, witnessed by mother. Again, none of her friends could attest to knowing a mutual friend owning a grey Waja/Toyota (hate newspapers and confusing facts). So what can we deduce from this? He DOES not run in her circle of friends/it's a car they've never seen him drive before, in which case, he must have done some planning to ensure that he couldn't be traced/identified, but for what? maybe not murder, but certainly having the purpose to do something untoward to this poor girl.

f) Her mother did not know who she was going out with, or who she was meeting. This is presumably (as is the case nowadays) due to current casual parental attitudes and the sheer number of casual friendships young people seem to have nowadays. Your parents won't know all your friends, and they do not bother to ask you where you are and what you're doing. We could perhaps assume that (i) she's a good girl who doesn't need monitoring, (ii) being in Miri gives us a false sense of security as to its surroundings and the character of the people, (iii) her parents do not know about her activities which seem to include at least on ONE occasion getting drunk to the extent that as one friend put it "kiss her till she also don't know", and "singing k till midnight". At this point I'd like to thank my father for calling me at the age of 25, while in Miri, when I'm not back by 12am, after only being out at 8pm and questioning me incessantly if I head out after 9pm.

I put to the public that 
a) He drove her away, intending to perhaps declare his love for her, and most certainly elicit some kind of sexual favour from her
b) The best case scenario for him is that she would agree, and then they would begin a relationship.
c) The girl does not seem like someone who WOULD consent to any sexual favours, because
(i) She appears to be a decent girl (tell me if I'm overestimating her integrity just by deducing from her pictures and statements from her friends, although I may be biased towards band members)
(ii) It seems that she has a boyfriend and he looks to be a decent guy too (again speculation)
d) So if he drove her out with the intention of currying sexual favour, knowing these points about her (being her friend), how did he guesstimate his chances of succeeding to be? Surely none or remotely close to that? 

Therefore, assuming that he knew he had less than a 5% chance of succeeding, did he not think what he was going to do to keep her from ratting on him? Unless he was clearly the brainless imbecile people are making him out to be, then the probable chances of her coming out alive from this from the moment he offered her a ride was close to none. Doesn't this then, make it premeditative murder?

To put it simply, here are possible thoughts:
"I'll tell her I love her, have sex with her, we live happily ever after"
"I'll tell her I love her, ask her if she'll have sex with me, and if she says no we'll just let it be without anyone knowing"
"I'll tell her I love her, ask her if she'll have sex with me, and if she says no I'll let her go and don't mind if she tells the world what I just asked her"
"I'll tell her I love her, force her to have sex with me, then let her go and hope she won't tell"
"I'll tell her I love her, force her to have sex with me, then let her go so she can tell the world"
"I'll tell her I love her, force her to have sex with me, kill her so that she doesn't tell"

Which of these seem likely to you?

Safety is of the essence
Because there is relatively nothing we can do once we step into a car belonging to the person who intends to kill us, what other safety precautions can we take BEFORE we make that decision?
1) Tell your parents where you're going and who you're out with
2) Let your friends know at the very least
3) Do not trust anyone beyond your circle of closest friends
4) Your classmate who says hi to you is NOT your 'close friend'
5) Do not assume your childhood friend who you've seen in waist-line pants and pigtails remain the same
6) Make sure you have trusted people on speed dial
7) Do not go to any remote areas with guy friends
8) Better still, if you seriously do not know the guy well AND he has a girlfriend and offers you a ride, say NO, or bring a girl friend along.
9) NO ONE is decent by association, just because he's your bestfriend's boyfriend or good friend or whatever friend does not make it safe, so don't get in.

To be honest, if a guy asked me for a sexual favour I'd rather grab his steering wheel and risk having the both of us perish in an accident than having him try to rape me or murder me after. The saddest thing is, she COULDN'T have known his intentions. But now that this has happened in non-happening Miri, everyone (I don't discount guys) should keep these motives in mind. Remember, anyone who dares to even ask cannot be trusted. I don't care if "it's mens' nature, they can't help themselves" as some people put it on the forums. We are all capable of self-control so that's bullshit. 

When is it Miri's turn?

It is quite disappointing, knowing that YB Lee and George Chan won't be going anywhere soon. They have their butt patterns permanently imprinted on their office chairs.

It's really too bad. While the situation is better than most places I can think of in Malaysia, I don't think Mirians will say no to 36 million ringgit investments :)

A lot of people have been "bypassing" their way to Heaven lately. The back road to the airport seriously needs two lanes (so people can overtake safely if they want) and also lights which are not equivalent to those that can be found in my neighbourhood which is technically one of the most "prosperous" ones as far as "normal" is concerned.

Very glad to note that the city is still relatively clean though. I expected to see dirty roads and damaged lights stay unrepaired when I got back last year. No such signs. There are still a lot of squatters in the Pujut Corner area who could use some of that money (one of my friends still live there), not to mention the 500m or so pitch-black highway just before the Lutong bridge starts.

Oh, there's also the escalating crime rate thus the ridiculous curfews (not mine, but certainly a lot of complaints from friends) eversince. I get the ibby jibbys (Chunny's terms) everytime I drive out. When I return, the thought of getting the car stolen never relented. Or the worry that there might be someone hiding out in the backseat waiting to kill me. Or even when I get home and wake up the next morning to an empty space in the garage.

So is Mr. Fong Pau Teck (DAP 2006 Pujut candidate) still around? Haven't heard so much as a peep from him. I doubt I should even register to vote at all although I think it's against the EC rules? Not too sure, have to check on that. OR.. I could register and not vote at all.. but then there's that other rule which says you must vote at least once in every four elections? Hmm.. where do I hear these things..

Oh well.. good on the people of Ijok. Too bad Mirian's YBs aren't going anywhere soon.. I guess the thing to do is make sure the idiots are not elected next time, and then get tons of $$ pouring in in the next NEXT buy- *ahem* I mean BY-election. :)

Funny Dad sent us a picture of him posing with George Chan... Not that Dad's ever in "favour" of him.. that's the irony if you know what I mean ;)

Sitting here in the dark again..

Just finished my late night tv watching stint. It's been the same everyday for the past month now. That's how four meaningless weeks have passed. I discovered how small this world is. You really can't afford to side step. More often than none you end up in a pit, or if you're lucky, just a blockage in the drainage system.

So what do you do? Well, ideally you get out of there as soon as possible. By how soon is soon? Pumping out the dirt is no easy feat, least to say climbing of a pit.

I scared myself last night. I was again, typing in darkness thinking about silly things. What would it feel like to make contact with the supernatural world? I turned to the right and saw a face staring back at me. My heart stopped. And then I was alive again. It was my own reflection from the picture frame glass gaping back at me. So much for brave hearts.

I'm listening to Kelly Clarkson and browsing through my MSN contact list. Almost everyone is away. Those who aren't, I don't know what to say to them. But of course, not everyone who's away are really away. It's a habit/trend/fetish, whatever have you. I bet half the people are in front of their screens too. I wonder what they're doing though. Assignments? Homework? Writing like I am? Thinking about life?

I'm staring at my gmail chat list. Feels like I'm driving and halting in front of a traffic light which has malfunctioned. My status is Green online, Vasanta is Red busy and Ian is Orange away.

It's funny. I can go on like this forever. Talking about nothing. Nothing important to anyone else anyway. It's just one of my talents I guess. Talk about nothingness for a talent. :) Excuse the irony.

"I told you everything.. opened up and let you in" some random lyric blaring from the headphones..

What's for me tomorrow? I don't know about tomorrow. But perhaps the next day and the day after that.

Thursday - Lunch with Chunny at Pete's.
Friday - Lunch with Vera and Hwan at Taiwan Cafe.

All we can do around here is eat, or drink coffee, or drink tea.

Abbess, Abbey, Abbott - All monk, nun-related terms. Doubt they'll be in GRE but it's on the Collegiate Vocab list Ian sent last week. I'm used to useless stuff. They stick in my head somehow. And the important stuff, well, if I'm lucky, my head gets around them sooner or later. Sooner I hope. I don't have a whole lot of time left.

I'm rambling again. When will I stop? When I want to I guess. Maybe this is the right moment.

Ok I'll shut up now.

Wait wait waiting..

Been doing a lot of waiting lately.. mostly the result of my apps.. well, ONLY my apps till today.

I woke up late as usual, only because I slept early. Early in the morning that is. It was almost two by then. Just as I positioned myself in front of the comp, Annie came up to ask me to accompany her for her medical checkup. I was hm.. very reluctant. I knew how long these things take and I would be doing nothing except reading a book I had already read. Plus, the clinic would be filled with sick people! Help! Get me outta here!

We were there from 2 to 4.30. It was Dr. Chan's clinic at the Waterfront area. Yeap, for those who are not aware, Dr. Chan has moved from the old town KFC block to opposite See Hua Daily and Borneo Post office at Waterfront. The medical check up itself took two hours, the X-Ray on the other hand took a mere 10 minutes -.-" Dr. Chan's is the only clinic which does medical check ups for visa purposes. So yea, a word of advice.. either arrive early or be prepared to wait a long long time. One other thing, don't pee right before going for your check-up. There's a urine test you need to take so make sure you're not dried up! Otherwise, you'll end up like me during my first time there. On top of the two hours the whole thing takes, I wasted another two hours just trying to pee. Not kidding. The nurse made me drink lik 3-4 litres of water before anything came out.

If nothing else comes by Wednesday, I will be accepting Swinburne. I'm hoping that Sab will go there too. I love discussing psych issues with her. She's so knowledgable and diligent! Plus, she'll be doing GRE too. I love a partner-in-crime!

On another note, here's a recent picture of my godson Brandon a.k.a. Tao tao~ :D

His second godma, our gorgeous Hwan visited him, Juk and her husband a few days ago on the way back to Miri from Beijing.
Till then :)

When have things changed?

Today I went to Bintang Plaza, or what most people around here like to call "Parkson". As I looked around my favourite haunt - Popular Bookstore - I wondered, "When have things changed?"

It looked exactly the same really. But the feeling is different.

This is the first time that I feel like this coming home. The feeling that everything has changed. For every situation, every place, every person, I have a special feeling. I'm sure a lot of people do. But for me, these feelings are very intense. They define everything. Once the feelings are gone, or have changed, it will never be the same again. Over the four years, each time I come back, something is different at first. Then after a couple of days, the feelings come back. My heart remembers them again and all remains the same.

But this year, everything has changed. It's been more than three weeks, the feelings have not come back. They're gone. At times I feel like a foreigner in my own hometown. I don't feel like I belong anymore. I really don't. I never thought I'd be saying this in a million years. I want to go back to Melbourne.

Christmas

Christmas Christmas.. Merry Christmas..

Ok. I know it's Boxing Day, but what the heck :P This is gonna be my Christmas post.

Interesting Christmas it was. Has everyone been to the new Boulevard Restaurant? When it was in.. well.. the Boulevard area, we used to go there every once in a while. Good food, good place. No complaints. The new place? Hmph. Never ever have the unlimited lunch. We were headed there for dimsum that morning (I woke up at 11.45am, morning no? :P) but decided (big mistake) to try the unlimited.

It's
A
Scam!

Service is slow, rude managers, not all foods are available and the most annoying thing was that they never bothered to inform us. We were waiting for half an hour for the last three dishes to arrive. They never did! It was the first time the whole family blew up! And it was the first time I loved blowing up :D Argumentative captain who was 1) unapologetic (which was ok at first) and then he got 2) rude. Geez.. nobody invokes customers' rights here?

What pathetic excuse was "Oh, we don't have duck, fish or deer"?

And after two hours you couldn't tell us that?! The "unlimited lunch" was basically unlimited veges. -.-" The meat, had conveniently disappeared. Spending 18 ringgit each eating veges?! Might as well go home and plant some. Heh.. It was like a diet conspiracy at hand.

Phew. Blowing off that steam was fun. :) Now, fast forward to the evening.

Zhungyi'd invited me to a Christmas gathering at his place. Truth be told, I was reluctant to go at first. Why?
1) Didn't know anyone there
2) Self-conscious
3) Self-conscious
4) Self-conscious

You get the idea :P
I presented this problem to Fen. Oh boy.. "Fresh graduate, self-conscious?" I actually wrote social phobia in my msn personal msg box, but the words were essentially something like that. Sigh. When am I allowed to be human? Graduate or not graduate.

Well, in the end I thought I'd better go. After all, it'd be rude to excuse myself for such a lame reason. Not going because I was AFRAID was pathetic. I just thought I'd better get over it, suck it up and go before I let my fears run amok. If I let this happen once, it's bound to happen again and again. Before I know it, I'd really end up with social phobia.

And so I went. Got lost on the way. How in the whole wide watermelon world (it's just Pujut really, but the world sounds better) did I end up in Pujut 1C instead of Pujut 2C?
1) Poor light
2) Lousy navigation skills
3) Distorted memory
4) Total lameness etc

Finally got there after gathering my bearings. Woah.. the moment I stepped in. This here is Auntie A, B, C, D, E, F, G and H. The only elders I remember from last night were Zhungyi's parents of course, Zhungyi's grandma, this colleague of my dad's named Whim Balen (sp?), their church's pastor (more about him in a sec) as well as Auntie Pictionary (she remembered my name and all I remember is her drawing skills and our somewhat telepathic connection).

I guess the main point was to meet Nicole, Zhungyi's girlfriend. And yeap, I finally met her. Can't say I gathered a lot about her personality, but as far as first impressions go - nice gal, a little quiet, looks like she could be wild (in a good way) at times, smart no doubt, soft-spoken and soft-hearted. What surprised me was her size. She looks smaller than I expected. But of course, touche :) I must've looked bigger than she imagined. LOL. Doesn't take a mind reader to detect that. Funny, I did not realize her siblings were her siblings until the end when they got into the same car. Did not even realize her parents were her parents. They all look very different!

Another unexpected bit. Other than me, Chaw Meng was the only other friend Zhungyi invited from outside church. Very surprised. Or maybe his other friends were not in Miri or they just couldn't come. Hmmm.. Some afterthoughts: I'm touched that he asked.

The night turned out to be interesting if not a little awkward at first. When I arrived, a group of people were playing scrabble. Under Zhungyi's orders to "Socialize!," I observed as they played. Interesting that they made up wacky stories as the words were formed. :) They must have lots of practice, these people were really good. In particular this guy named Terrence.

Then came the best part. The food. Just kidding :P But it WAS spectacular. The last time I'd seen a proper Christmas dinner was when we went to Rachel's Christmas Party. I think I was about 10. The table was laden with the works - turkey, ham, pasta, lamb, mash potatoes, salad, gravy, mushrooms, broccoli.

There I was, going for my first round (which turned out to be my only round) and the pastor (I feel like I should put 'P' in caps) started a pretty interesting conversation. It's my first time talking to a pastor. Don't know why, I felt like I had to behave. LOL! Of all things we started a discussion about self-esteem and self-acceptance. I know for a fact that generally (as far as the normal distribution allows) people who have some form of faith (not necessarily religious faith although the majority stands for it) have higher self-esteem. This is not surprising. Makes perfect sense doesn't it? But what is more interesting is, the fraction of people who don't have religion describe their source of self-esteem as a form of purpose. What is this purpose?

Measurement-wise, how do you measure self-esteem? It is based on how experimenters define self-esteem. But how about what people (general public) see as self-esteem? There's bound to be infinite definition. There's the question of dimensions too. I'm pretty sure most people fall in the middle of the line, and certainly, just as there are those who have very low self-esteem thus suicide, depression and the likes, there must also be those who have unwavering self-esteem. We know what feeds to low self-esteem, should we perhaps we exploring what makes high self-esteem and somehow put this piece of information to good use? Being proactive instead of preventive. I think that's important for psychology too.

The night ended with a game of pictionary. There was this little boy playing on the piano by rote. I think he was about 4 or 5. Then there was this not so little boy zonking out on the couch after a few glasses of wine.

Merry Christmas everyone!
It's time to think of New Year resolutions.

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Let's have a moment's silence in remembrance of the 2004 Tsunami victims and their families.