List of worrying things

Trivial, but added together......... I feel so tired.......

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- Self-esteem problems (can't walk on the streets without thinking every 10 minutes, why is he/she staring at me? can't stop looking at every reflective surface to see if there's something wrong, learned (unsuccessfully) to self-immune by pretending not to care and concentrating on book while eating alone, can't meet new people for fear of what they might think on first impression)
- Weight loss (increasing absence of such activitiy, excuse: no time, must concentrate on studies)
- Pressure from mom

Academic
- Getting enough participants (something wrong with the damn program, in the process having to realize I don't have much of a social life here and thus the lack of friends to participate)
- Finishing introduction (Lots on mind, no motivation)
- Getting into Masters (Not having a good enough resume, depleting self-esteem which won't help during interviews, pressure of having to do extremely well to (a) compete with coursemates (b) compete with students from Melb and Monash who are smart as hell, can't fail; if so, face mom's warth after heartily convincing her this is the career for me)
- Applying for P.R. (Damn September rule change, don't want to be tied in Australia if family chooses to move over, wanting to have options to go other places)

Survival
- Loathing the cooking (no spare resources to think about mundane things like, what's for dinner this week?)
- No one will hire me (at that, can't find relevant job. self-conscious; therefore limited connections, hence current problem)
- Not happy with sister sometimes for not taking on more responsibility (plus guilt and shame for not being happy with her, plus guilt and shame for complaining about something which an elder sister is suppose to do)

Self
- Not liking the tendency to think too much
- Not liking the habit of depending on others when something trivial crops up
- Not confident will be able to get through this (thus self-blame - when trying to put "blame" on others to make self feel better end up feeling guilty and low, endless cycle etc.)
- Not liking the self-pity, self-defeatist, selfish, self-contained, overtly dramatic part of the self (which seems to be all I am these days)
- Not liking the self for being so weak and not able to handle what others consider as "normal life"