Morbidity

Hey everyone! OK.. I know this is strange, why double post in two blogs? (Reopened MSN Space) Heh.. Wait a minute, let me just do something.

*Tramples on the Chinese government*

Ah.. that feels better. That's for their sucky censorship system which doesnt allow access to blogspot.com and geocities too. So yea.. this is for you Hwan. ;) Happy reading!


As the end of the year is drawing close, this is gonna be a pretty serious post, because I've seriously been thinking seriously about myself in every serious way possible. I mean seriously, how many people do seriously sit down and think about themselves seriously? You know? How many people actually take themselves seriously?

Hmm.. how many "seriouses" was that? 1, 2, 3, 4.. oh nevermind.

Time to get serious (sorry, couldn't resist :D )


So I was thinking (can't seem to stop doing that), what have I got to show for this year? I failed myself in the academics department. Alright, maybe not fail, but I did not get the average of 75 that I wanted. *Glares at the 50 in Travel Writing* Yes, I did let myself go a bit and gotten to know some pretty cool people in school such as Hellen and Tsu Ann etc. Not best buddies but more of activity partners, even so, that's way better than my first year which was ultimately spent rotting in my apartment surrounded by papers (some discarded, some compiled into these weird things they call "BOOKS").


But other than that, I'm still the same. By same I mean.. "the girl who gives tons of love to others she forgot to save herself some." Who can tell by now, I don't really love myself? Yeah, don't be shy, raise your hands, your feet even. What's a girl like me to do?

I guess I wanna blame it on him (Yes, the love of my life) for saying I'm too fat for him to ever like. I mean, it's just significantly easier to be angry at someone else. But trust me, it's not that hard to get angry at yourself either, especially when you don't believe in yourself anymore. Yeah..

Fen said to me "Honestly speaking Helen, you're really not like before, not as sparkling."

I kinda agree with her. Everyone who knew me back then (the "sparkling" me) would agree. Coz you see, I'm not so sure about myself anymore. That's what happens when you get thrown down a skyscraper, ran over by a truck and drowned in Miri river by someone you really care about. You know what I mean.

Even Chunny went "You sure you ok? What's wrong? You werent like this before."

YES! I wasn't like this before. I was happy, cheerful, funny, weird, crazy, just insanely full of life and stupid jokes and cracks. Still am sometimes, but not as much. I'm sorry this pre-new year post is such a downer. But it does me good to write things down.

So I declare, the ultimate goal for 2006, is to find myself and to love myself. Why not start now?

1) I'm not incredibly smart, but I have good brains and with a little work (ok, maybe not a little, more like MASSIVE), I could be as good as any genius.

2) I'm not the best-looking person but I'm not deformed. Besides, I guess I'm pretty cute ;) LOL. That's the first time I've said that. I mean, you realize that after people start comparing you to soft toys and squeeze your face for no apparent reason. Annie is of opinion that I should stay fat coz being slim would take away the cuteness. Har Har.

3) I could work on the weight problem like I did before. After all, I wasn't born fat and I wasn't always like this *Stops for a moment to think about the four guys who went after her at the same time*. LOL. Somebody slap me if I start stuffing myself. And no slacking from gym! Work that threadmill! Find a nice park if the gym gets sickening.

4) I'm gonna get myself involved in some extra co-curicular activities when the semester starts. This is a department where I've never felt inadequate. A few options : Choral Society (Try out some singing), Drama Society (Brush up those acting skills), Melbourne Uni Overseas Students Society committee (It'll be cool to be a student representative again). Somehow, these areas have always made me feel like I can actually accomplish something. Listen to "I Feel Good" - James Brown, you'll know what I mean ;)

5) Stop putting myself down. Now, this is a hard thing to do. Especially when we, as humans are vain creatures. And we have to look at the mirror everyday. Even without mirrors, we find windows very very interesting.

I can't think of anything else now. Any suggestions anyone? :)

But there's one thing I don't have to change. And that's my friends. :) Every single one of you.

First morbid thought at the turn of the year (especially with all the recent deaths. Here's to Miss Yie, Hui Lan, Doggie and Vera's Uncle.):

"If something ever happens to me, please be sure to let these people know coz they actually do care" :

Li Kun (60168708979, 085-415239)
Emily (085-425409)
Mabel (085-415329)
Iris (085-655232)
Vera (0168742612, 085-658148)
Hwan (085-612630)
Fen (085-433757, 0178533358)
Juk (085-417663)
Colin (085-411266)
August (085-655729, 0168624828)
Hood (085-411086, 0168542312)
Chunny (085-422899, 0168735839)
Chee Keong (0168541928)
Bao Shu (085-655729, 0168732773)
Belinda (0168501218)
Kian Yaow (0168507117)
Ian (0168896369)
Ben (0168829698)
Zhungyi (0168902640)

Others include, Shinny (shinrong99@yahoo.com), Barry (tanbarry007@hotmail.com), MengYee (wmy_84@hotmail.com), Chuan Yong (robert_goh@hotmail.com), Aubrey (aubreypek@hotmail.com), ChunPing (matthew_zhukov@yahoo.com), PeiSze (peisze102002@hotmail.com), SuHui (wongsuhui@hotmail.com), Jamm/BoonKien(jammersaeki@yahoo.com), CK/ChunKeat (lck_beer@yahoo.com), TC (tcgien@yahoo.com), and all other bandmates including Mary, ShiehYen, ShiekWei, MiawLing, YikYung, AhPau, PeiChang, HuiHui, Tini, GeokYee, Hsiao Khim, Sing Kieu, HuiChoo, Chris, KheeHung, ShingSiew, Vivien, TiingYong, Daniel, SiauJing, Jessica, HanThu, Ray and the rest of the woodwind family. Finally, all other people who might come but would not feel much except a slight sense of loss and forget about it after a day or two. :)

I don't know. Just feels better to have this up on the web. Pieces of paper can get wet or burnt you know. ;)

Happy New Year!!

Eamon - Don't want you back

Warning : For the non-violent please turn back now. Oops.. you've spotted that word. Oh well.. I tried :)

See I don't
know why
I like you so much
I gave you all
of my trust

I told you
I loved you
Now that's all down the drain
You put me through the pain
I wanna let you know how I feel

Fuck what I said
it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em' out
Fuck all those kisses
you're killing me Jack
Fuck you, you all
I don't want you back

You thought you could
keep this shit from me yea
you burned bitch
I heard the story
You played me
Now you're asking for me back
You're just another hack
Look elsewhere coz you're done with me

Fuck what I said
it don't mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw 'em out
Fuck all those kisses
you're killing me Jack
Fuck you, you all
I don't want you back

You question did I care
You can ask anyone
I even said you were my only one
Now it's over
But I do mean what I said
you urged me real bad
I can't step back
coz I hurt real bad

Fuck what I said
it don't mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em' out
Fuck all those kisses
you're killing me Jack
Fuck you, you all
I don't want you back.

Birthdays

Another year coming to an end. I've been thinking (so what's new?), what have I done (and not done) this year?

So here's a brief account of this year :

Studies - Sucky results for the first half of the year. Seriously disappointed myself for not working hard enough. Bucked up in the second semester. Well.. got my first H1, but lo behold, never in my life would I withstand seeing another 50.

Family - Had a big scare when Mom got a stomach ulcer which had to be tested for cancer. Annie sat for SPM and got through it fine. Albert joined the basketball team and learned to play a whole new different sport. It gets depressing, but more so scary everytime I come home and realize Dad has gotten so much older than I remembered.

Friends - Biggest biggest change (but not a surprise), Juk is now Mrs. Chen. Who would've thought? Cute, talented Juk got married at 20. Oh well. The choice has been made, as friends we can only do so much. Gotten closer to coursemates Hellen, Tsu Ann, Sabrina and Cindy. Made two great friends from Kuching, Ian and Ben. Cheers guys! Hwan finally headed off to Beijing to pursue her journalism career, Fen finished her STPM and started business studies at Nottingham KL, and Vera, well, she's still the same old Vera. :)

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What's going lately? Had a whole string of birthday celebrations. Here are some pictures ;)

The Birthday Gal, Vera (26th) and Birthday Boy, Ing Fook a.k.a. Ah Hood (23rd)

The gals that night : Vera, Hui Bing, Fen and I

Big group picture : Bottom - HuiBing, Fen, Vera, Hood, Chun How, Simon, Wei Chang, Soon Kiang.

Top - Me, Kee Yie, Kai Ping, Albert, Augustus.

With Vera :D

With Fen at Vera's birthday lunch today ;)

The remaining sisters : Fen, Vera and I.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A minute's silence in memory of the December 26th tsunami victims.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Merry Christmas! And a Happy New Year!

Tribute

Today is a day of good and bad.

Happy 21st to Ing Fook!

However, Khiew Hui Lan, from the 2001 batch, a dear friend and a fellow bandsmate, met with a car accident along with her family after her graduation ceremony in Adelaide and had her life taken away. Small in stature, friendly and always cheery, Hui Lan's presence in our hearts has brought many good days filled with laughter.

Memories of her mostly in band, along with Shiek Wei and Miaw Ling. Approachable and with a great heart, Hui Lan will be remembered always. Her two sisters are seriously injured from the accident. Let us pray for their full recovery. Deepest condolences to her parents who were with her when the accident happened.

She goes free of the earth,
The sun of her last day
sets clear in the sweetness of her liberty.

The earth recovers from her dying,
The hallow of her life remaining
in all her death leaves.

Radiances know her,
Grown lighter than breath
she is set free in our remembering.

Grown brighter than vision,
she goes dark into the life of the hill
that holds her peace.

She's hidden among all that is,
and cannot be lost.

- Chee Xuan

A tribute to our dearest friend, Hui Lan.

You think.. maybe you're thinking too much.. (KL to SG)

You think you know but you don't know much at all.

You think you have seen it all and then you see something different.

You think you've done whatever is possible until you see another way out.

You think you are never alone and suddenly there's no one at all.

Jumbled up

Just as I was about to finish this post my dear brother stepped on the power line and caused the computer to shut down. Therefore, ARGH. Having exahusted myself after typing for over half an hour straight already, I won't attempt to recompile my thoughts as they were virtually non-existant coz I wrote this post on autopiliot. Where was the energy from? Where did the words come from? How did sentence after sentence magically appear without having me think them over and over to find the right words? I don't know. But that's probably the only good thing that has come out of my current situation. Other than that, I'm just a big mess of emotions about nothing in particular at all. At some points, or many points rather, in life, we have this jumbled up feeling that stems from one emotion about a single event, or even worst several emotions about nothing. We don't know how to feel, we have no idea where it comes from, how it came to be. So how are we to solve it? Wait. Waiting for something to hit us and for realization to set in. Sometimes it never comes, sometimes we keep on waiting, most of the time we stop and walk on, trying to forget, shake off that feeling until the next time it comes back to haunt us again.

We despise being despised, we get hurt in the processing of hurting, we gain after we have given and we can love without being loved. So when will we govern our own lives to the point that we control every single event, every single outcome, all the tiny little details to perfection? Never. We need others, we need people, we need friends and family.

When does love turn to hate? When it is never love to begin with. When will you learn to let go? Only when you set yourself free. When will you forget and start anew? Only when you have found the you whom you have lost the moment you decide that you and your significant other are one. When will you stop hurting and realize nothing which has led you to lose yourself is worth waiting for? Only when you begin to believe in yourself again. So each time you are met with a dead end, open up that new path, never stop paving, it might lead you to a special place someday. Never stop.

Public Transportation and the Longest Mall

Yesterday marked an important day in family history. For such a trivial matter, most would believe it when I say, none of them have ever taken public transportation which are not taxis since my parents' schooldays, not even the schoolbus or the public buses in Miri.

We started off with breakfast(lunch really) at the Tai Pai Tong next to the hotel when Dad suggested that ALL of us take public transportation to MidValley when I decided to head there alone, leaving them to occupy the full taxi number. He got all fussy about safety and my clumsiness so in the end, it ultimately became the cause of the entire family finally experiencing their dose of non-taxi travelling.

I took them up to the 1st floor in Lot10 to cross the overhead bridge (I finally got this in English) which connects to the Bukit Bintang Monorail station. LOL. They had to be shepherded all the way up and into the ride itself. Mom, Dad and Albert seemed to be having fun, but Annie was hot and restless all the way eventhough there were only a fair lot of people riding with us. We arrived at Central station (Kl Sentral) in top time and crossed over to the building by which Annie was threatening to kill me and declaring they should've taken a taxi. Dad started making funny faces behind her. LOL.

Now, I don't pretend to be an expert on this as most of my "experiences" are picked up from other people's travels and I manage to get by by occasionally sneaking off (while they're busy shopping) to gain the "ultimate" KL experience, determined not to hop into one of those blood(money)- sucking taxis. Therefore, when we purchased tickets to MidValley (which is only one stop from Central btw) I looked up the wrong timetable and nearly took everyone to Rawang instead. LOL. That's opposite to where we're supposed to be headed. Luckily for me and for everyone else, I spotted my mistake on another timetable (when I finally had the sense to double-check) on the way down to the trains. We had a full 10 minutes wait which of course, gave Annie more the reason to point out that if they had taken a taxi, they would've arrived by now. This time, Dad just shook his head and frowned. LOL. But that didn't stop her from complaining till the train came.

I came up with a riddle while on the ride :

Q: What do you get when you put Chinese, Malays and Indians altogether on a KTM?

A: A really bad smell.

It was seriously smelly, than me even. LOL. Annie kept muttering "smelly" and "pengsan" and it didn't help that the driver was going extremely slow. I didn't think any of them enjoyed that particular ride, heck I didn't really, but it was still sorta fun in a way just to see everyone's expressions. ;)

Met up with Chun Ping at MidValley. Still as skinny as ever if not skinnier! But my~ has he changed or what! Handsome :D (You read it here only~ See for yourselves during CNY) Had lunch at this fastfood jap place which name, I can't remember unfortunately. =/ Succeeded in paying him but not without an open debate. LOL. Sorry Chun Ping! Talked about everything and everyone under the sun and then dropped by BodyGlove to pick up another shirt. Then came my favourite part of the day (and of the entire trip really), holing up at the massive MPH for about three hours before heading back to the hotel in heavy rain. Sneaky Chun Ping sneaked the RM10 back into my bag containing the "Chronicles of Narnia" (Yes, I bought the entire set in a 7-in-1 version as it was cheapest that way). Got stuck in a traffic jam from Maharajalela till Bukit Bintang, giving the meter time to mount up to RM9.30 before stepping into a puddle while opening the taxi door. -.-"

The night ended early as we all fell asleep around midnight eventually waking up at 10 in the morning. Suddenly had the urge to go to the gym (it's about time!) so stayed behind and dwadled for a while (more like an hour or so) after the rest left. Worked out in the gym for an hour before taking a shower and finally headed to Borders, Times Square for a good read. Finished the Problem-Solvers book and picked out "A Guide to DSM-IV Training" and "The Fourth Estate - (Yes, J. Archer again. I'm hooked). Got distracted by the throng of people outside the cinema and this prompted immediate purfchase for a RM8 ticket to watch "Perhaps Love" starring Jacky Cheung and a few other glamorous people with funky China accents. One thing's for sure about Golden Screen Cinemas (at Times Square at least), it's damn big with relatively spacious seats. Sat in between a guy with really funky hair and a slurping habit and a girl who managed to wipe off a Coney HotDog from 1901 resulting in really funky onion breath for the entire movie. The film reminded me of Moulin Rouge. Why are musical/movies all about love? Heh.. Like why most Chinese Songs are love songs anyways, except for Jay Chou's. Anybody knows what he's singing lately? Can't comprehend =/

After the movie, (it was already 5pm btw) I searched the mall for The Chicken Rice Shop. Forgot which floor it was situated but found it in good time nevertheless (4th Floor folks~). Had braised chicken and tauge (Yum!) while reading "The Fourth Estate". Yes, guilty as charged, I bought the book. =P Pondered over buying a Chicken Little shirt for Yih Xuan but ended up leaving. I despise salespersons who follow me around~ Took the Monorail back (yes, I get lazy towards the end of the day) and encountered this Malay family who were, having fun with the "Sila Berdiri di Belakang Garis Kuning" sign on the floor. The mom was telling her kids to stand behind the line but they pointed out that the people at the opposite platform were not. It was quite silly really, when they started hopping in and out of the line as if attempting to break a line-hopping record or something. I smiled at them and the mom smiled back, so I smiled some more and she smiled back. errr.. what else to do? Smile lah.. so I smiled again and again until the mom said, "Ah, tenguk tu, asyik senyum aje". Heh. I smiled all the way back to the hotel. :D

Smile~ :D

Clumsiest Idiot on Earth (invading Berjaya Times Square)

I'm by far the clumsiest idiot on Earth. Approximately 9pm on 11th December, 2005 for having done something which is totally undeniably inexcusable except for the fact that I have zero sense, clumsy fingers and much over-exerted "fun" here. If and only if I manage to upload the many pictures which I have taken today and last night, then I shall relate to all who live about the stupid thing I did. Au revior. *Starts digging and hides partial body parts while the rest try to maintain a positive attitude to complete the blog.*

Now that I'm half hidden, let me just bring everyone up to speed on the trip here in KL. Today's ultimate destination is Berjaya Times Square. After breakfast at the noodle shop outside Sungei Wang, we went out through a sidedoor at Giants (underground Sungei Wang), crossed a jejantas (dang, what's it called in English again?) and wallah~ we're in Times Square. From then on we went our own ways. Is today International Children's Day? Can't remember but a huge swarm of kids (plus their parents) were having a lot of fun on the Ground Floor where all kinds of games were set up including a sorta Wheel-Of-Fortune thingy and an Air PingPong machine. :D Amidst all the fun was of course, lots of screaming and squeals so yea, the mall was pretty noisy.

As we (Albert, Dad and I) approach the middle of the mall, I spotted a big happy sign "BORDERS" !!!! Heh.. so guess where I spent the rest of the afternoon? Sitting at Starbucks in Borders going through "Psychology Problem Solvers" and "Prodigal Daughter - J. Archer"! After a while, went up to the second floor of the bookstore for CDs ad picked up Yanni. Hurrah! :D Albert and I wanted to watch Zathura but the only showing time was at 10.30pm so we decided to leave as I was getting a massive headache but not before purchasing two red and pink shirts at BodyGlove for CNY.

It began to rain heavily so we took the monorail, one station down from Imbi to BukitBintang. It was Albert's first time on a monorail. LOL. I think he enjoyed the short ride. I quote him "So many lengluis in KL!" -.-" Heading to MidValley Megalmall tomorrow. Meeting ChunPing for lunch there. Had dinner after a long rest at the hawker stalls beside the hotel in front of the Lot10 walk. I'll leave it here for now. Cheers~ :D

*Inserts entire self into the hole and tries to disappear completely. At least for the night*

Sungei Wang

Hey hey hey! Currently sitting in Coronade Hotel which is right in the middle of Bukit Bintang, wedged between Lot 10 and Parkroyal Hotel and directly opposite Sungei Wang.

The weather here? Not as warm as Miri plus, it rained this evening around 4pm. The ride from Miri to KL was smooth. Seats 9B,C, 10D, F and 11D. I sat alone of course coz Annie and Albert could not decide on who would sit with me. Heh, couldn't have escaped without Dad's "threats". Sat next to an Australian, of all the people.. LOL. *eye rolling* The first thing he said was, "Bloody hot weather aye." ;) And slept all the way except during the meal. That was one of the rare occasions I ate the airplane meal. Fish/Mutton? Fish thanks. But only after Annie and Albert raided half of it (They had the mutton). Met Mdm Lau and Joseph Ting on the flight heading the Korea after. Met Chee Taur/Chee Haur (still can't tell them apart!) at the airport headed back to JB.

The ride down to KL from the airport was reasonably quick considering it was the peak hour. Managed to avoid serious jams. The hotel provided two 24 hour prepaid internet cards which is of course, how and why I'm able to do a bit of blogging :D After checking in and dumping all our bags into the rooms, we headed to Jln Alor for dinner. Heh.. Fried oysters, Penang fried kueh tiaw, this absolutely delicious porridge as well as fried carrot cake. We all had a bit of everything before heading back to rest. But not before browsing at Sungei Wang for a while and catching an episode of Survivor Guatemala (Season 10) on TV.

Today I had a "date" with Qijian, which we had planned in advance before I came over. Bought a new pair of slippers before meeting him at the front entrance at around 12pm. LOL. I thought he looked thinner but in fact he gained 5kgs. -.-" Still the same old sarcastic fellow with his wise cracks. Heh. We went up to the Food Court (6th Floor?) as he hadnt had anything to eat. Yakked for a while there about Taylors, Melb and results before heading to this really cute place next to Red Box which sold drinks at outrageous prices. We sat at this set of swings with a table in the middle which according to him was more "romantic" than your average beverage-chilldown outlet. So that's one thing that is different about him - Suaveness. LOL Well, he paid about RM8 per drink for the sake of that romantic atmosphere so I'm not complaining. :P Poor Qijian. After soaking in on all the love we walked around Sungei Wang for a while and met Jacob who was looking for a PS2. Hung around while Jacob did his bargaining which took almost a full hour. LOL. As they had to leave for Lowyat we parted ways after that.

Did a bit of disappearing after that as a result f losing my bearings. Somehow ended up in front of Popular. Managd to find my way back again but not before purchasing "The Chronicles of Narnie, The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe" - C.S. Lewis and "Not a Penny More, Not a Penny Less" - J. Archer at 25% discounted prices.

Got back to the hotel in record time and concussed for two hours, waking up to two screaming siblings. In the wake of my sleeping escapade, they managed to take my picture (with the face resembling a mushroom this time) with the new digicam Dad bought. A Sony Cybershot DSC-N1, 8.1 Mega pixels. Will have pictures up soon :D

Went for dinner at Alor again at a different stretch of stalls this time. Bak kut teh and grilled fish. Damn spicy fish. Donated RM10 to students raising money for a cancer patient and received this HUGE pencil. Impractical but really cute :D Mom wanted to do some more shopping so Albert, Annie and I headed to the Waffleshop in front of Lot10 where they each had a stick of waffle icecrea, while I devoured Archer. :P

Feeling extremely tired right now, still reeking of grilled fish. ;) Going to Times Square tomorrow which is conveniently just to the left of Parkroyal. Zathura maybe? I heard the cinemas there rock! We'll see :D Goodnight! :D

Temporarily Unavailable

Hey all!

Currently gone on holiday to KL and Singapore.

KL : 9th Dec - 14th Dec
SG : 15th Dec - 21st Dec

I will not be posting till I get back, unless, :D
1) There's free wireless connection at the hotels
2) There a cyber cafe nearby and Dad doesn't get paranoid about them :D

Meanwhile, I'll be raiding bookstores, writing and taking lots and lots of pictures. Smell trouble in paradise? You know what to do. :) +60168745857. Be back soon! ;)

Take care!
Love,
Helen :D


Ideas to work on while away so I won't rot while her Highnesses buy the shops out:
Extended Fiction piece
Humanity-sickgalinthepark piece
Shallow bout aids-condomhumiliation piece

Other weird behaviours:
Hunting Narnia books
Hunting Psychology books
Hunting J. Archer books
Hunting... more books?
Hunting for CDs
Hunting for Fen, Chun Ping, Fang Ung and Chee Keong
Hunting for peace of mind

That should keep me busy for a while :D

Results

Year 2, Semester 2

Travel Writing : Zones of Imagination
50 P

Personality and Social Psychology
73 H2B

Writing Extended Fiction
77 H2A

Cognitive Psychology
81 H1


Yeap.. that just got in yesterday. Heh..the feeling goes two ways as you can see. Never have I seen a 50s and yet never have I seen and 80s. Someone tell me how to feel. LOL. Elated when I think about the 81.. and then I think about the 50, truly shocking.

Ok. I have to admit. I didn't really expect a good mark for Travel Writing, but then, I wasn't really thinking it would be THAT bad. It just shows, never say never. Things always shock you if you do that. Although there's that tinge of satisfaction for this semester, I still can't help thinking maybe there's more I could've done. Why is it always that you think you've done enough when the time arrives and then after you suddenly realize there's a whole lot more you can do. For e.g. Getting less sleep, cutting down meal times, naps, and what not. Compared to last semester, I've drastically cut down sleep time, had the TV officially "closed down" for two months preceding exams which is two thirds of the semester, done revision each night after every lecture as well as actually doing the readings every week as required.

Stuff to do:

1) All of the above
2) Make own notes weekly instead of waiting till the last month
3) Wake up by 8 every morning (this one's probably the hardest to keep)
4) Try not to doze off towards the end of lectures
5) Listen to ILectures everynight
6) Go to the gym Monday to Friday, don't stop till ya eventually drop
7) Pick out new study place if old one turns "stale"
8) Form study group with gals and not let it turn into tutoring sessions
9) Remember to play some mahjong occasionally :D
10) Hunt down tutors as soon as a problem crops up
11) Go through every assignment thoroughly even if it means wasting a whole lot of paper (Take note of sentence structure)
12) Bring notebook and camera everywhere

Am I missing anything else? Hope not. Any more suggestions? :D

Wake up!!

You feel most tired when you're woken up the worst way possible. This morning has to go down as the ultimate wake up torture schedule ever. Mom decided that it was time for me to get my ass going. Being the mom that she is, she opened the door, marched to the bedside and proceeded to yak in my ear, "Wake up fat pig!" Yes, that's what I hear often first thing in the morning. If my eyes remain closed, she'll go downstairs and force a cup of water on me and leave the room again, "Don't lie down when you drink, bring the cup down!"

I rolled over and went back to sleep for another half hour before I heard the door knob turn again. "Heileng~ Wake UP!" That, my friends, can only be Annie Su. She then flopped on the bed and told me predictably that I looked like (a) a mushroom (b) a polar bear (c) a koala. After that was total chaos. She began poking and pinching me where I'd preferably not mention so as not to give people any funny ideas. As if that wasn't bad enough, a scramble from next door is like the next wave of hurricane about to ruin my "beauty" sleep.

"Baoleng!"

Now this, is considerably new. Let me tell you how this came about. Originally, I was just plain "da jie" (big sister). And then I became Heileng. What that connotates to, I'll leave it to your imaginations and your mastery of dialects. You see, we (my sister and I) had a History teacher called Bhalvindher. On the other side of the story, my mom's nickname is "Kek leng" as in "keklengah" (Indian) coz she used to be dark when she was young. Not to mention that fact that her real name is "Suk Ling" and everyone calls her "Ah Leng" (hokkien). I was dark too, not anymore, but still, that's how most people here remember me by. Therefore, "Baoleng" is the latest trend at home. I tried to retaliate with "Baonie" and "Baobert". But somehow, "Baoleng Jit Singh Kaur" seemed to be more popular. I highly suspect that it's because they outnumber me 2 to 1. It'd better be. That History teacher was a nightmare. Then again, waking up like that, is worst than a nightmare.

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

By E.E. Cummings

I carry your heart with me( I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it(anywhere
I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling),

I fear no fate( for you are my fate, my sweet) I want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you,

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)'...

-As posted on blogkaki.blogspot.com, rebelsam.blogspot.com

It's such a beautiful poem, thought I'd share it with everyone. :)
If you enjoy a good movie about friendship and sisterhood, watch "In Her Shoes" starring Toni Collette & Cameron Diaz. There's the book on which the movie is based on, by Jennifer Weiner for readers. Cheers~

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A huge part of our lives are made up of the many times we try not to disappoint other people. Is it the Asian culture of duty and obligation? Maybe. To date, I’ve spent a hell lot of my time trying to be a better person. But better is never enough because nothing is ever enough.

“Want more and more.. people just want more and more…”

I do try. Most of the time. And when I don’t are the moments when I feel like giving up.

When I was younger, life seemed less complicated. It was easy to get angry. Too easy in fact. I swore at my mom once. She cried. I broke her heart and I didn’t even know it. Dad made me apologize. I did it reluctantly. Still angry. But I never did it again.

As I grew older, I learned to keep quiet. To let things blow over silently. I wonder how Dad does it. Every single time I feel like screaming. And not always I kept my mouth shut. Dad never says much. The only time he ever said anything I did not know how to respond. “There must be a psychological solution to this.”

I lied. I did know how to respond. What I did not know, was how to put it.

You need to talk to her. Teach her the things she doesn’t know. Make her feel like a part of your life. Don’t shut her out. ‘You don’t understand’ just won’t cut it anymore.

I want to blame her for how I feel about myself. I’m not strong enough to believe in myself. My weaknesses are her weaknesses. She’s not proud of me. And I’m not proud of her.

God help me.. these are terrible things to say. But I do think them and I want to believe they are true everytime she opens her mouth

I hate dodging people who I think wouldn’t understand. I hate having her tell me about all the other beautiful daughters. I hate it when she points out all the other “imperfect” people hoping to make me feel small. I hate walking by her side just so she won’t feel humiliated to be seen with me. I hate it when she screams at me for being fat and stupid. I hate her constantly asking me if I’d lost any weight every single week. I hate it when she tells all my friends to watch what I eat. I hate trying not to make her more disappointed than she already is.

I don’t want to cry but I can't stop. Tears are part of my venting but I try very much not to let you see. It wouldn’t do to let you know how much weaker I am than you already think.

RaHhhHHh..

For the past two days.. I have...

Acted like the world owed me something

Snubbed everyone

Snapped at them

Or just plain gave them the LOOK

I stopped.. mostly because my face muscles were getting sore from all that unpleasantness..

I decided to be nicer..

But then my own fingers turned on me!

I couldn't believe my eyes..

Utterly confused

Tried making faces and got whacked

So I ran for my life! Which of course did not last for long.. *pants*

It suddenly dawned on me..

I totally forgot my best weapon!

Which naturally.. came with the evil grin

Have a Nice DAY! ;)

10 Ways to Kill Yourself : Made Considerably Easy

1. Get a hose, run the tap and have it ready in hand. Shove your head down the toilet bowl (provided it fits), make sure the insertion is just right for your head to get stuck. Start drinking.

2. Hang upside down from the roof and let yourself fall.

3. Knock your head on every hard surface in the house starting with the wall and finishing with the garage floor.

4. Insert your head into the mailbox and clamp the gates shut on your neck while sliding it down the bars.

5. Sit yourself on a movable chair and wheel yourself down the stairs.

6. Squeeze yourself into a luggage and pay your brother to throw you down from the roof after three days. Short-cut Alternative : Get him to perform the split-person magic trick on the luggage.

7. Empty out your fish tank (eat the fish if you want) and chuck it on the floor. Please strip before you roll yourself on the glass.

8. Harness your chandelier, hang the kitchen knives on it and let go once you've positioned yourself directly underneath.

9. For a good workout, wash your bathroom floor, put on your skates and make sure your head is within proximity of a sharp edge.

10. Turn on the fan, run your fingers through the blades for 10 minutes at least. This should be done per finger to let it draw out as long as possible. As a last resort, there's always the apple peeler.

Slash my soul.. let it Bleed..
Tears salt... let it Sting..
Gorge my heart.. let it Break..
Stabbings pierce.. let it Die.

Outlet

Fat, useless lump of a disgrace.

Ungrateful

I was told by someone, who shall not be named, that the closer I am to someone, the more I tend to disregard their needs. Thought about it for quite a while, and realized, unfortunately, this is true.

I'd like to tell you, "Oh! I know him well.. he'll be ok." and let that be an excuse for not paying attention to that person. But now I know, nothing is more important that those closest to you.

I often pride myself in being observant of people's feelings even if they don't say anything. I wait for the bombs and the explosions and try to make everything ok, at least for a while, after all, you can't solve people's problems for them. I don't like to push or force out a problem when people aren't ready. However, I've come to learn that, some people have to hold their heads high and squash down every single problem they have and despair over them alone.

I've let too many suffer in silence because I was too busy attending to others. Too busy to notice anything amiss. Vera is right, Fen is right. I often let my feelings run away with me. And when they escape, there's no telling what I would do to make everything right. Those acts of kindness diminish as I get to know them better very much like during the end of Form 5. I went out every single day with friends completing neglecting my family. Even on the day I left for Australia, I was busy saying goodbye to everyone but them. There must have been at least 40 people there that day. And I hugged every single person all but those that mattered most. My siblings were disappointed with my behaviour, this, I was told everyday by my mom in a not-so-subtle tone, but I thought I was home enough. I wasn't. I never was. So now I will.