Prayers

Hi all.. just a short note for today.

My friend's brother is lying in Royal Melbourne Hospital's ICU as we speak, suffering from severe brain damage and neck injury after a bad fall. He can't function without machinery support now and the prognosis isn't looking too good. Part of his frontal lobe (brain part) was removed to give way to space beneath the skull as part of it was fractured during the fall and was pressuring the brain too much. There are many possibilities as to what's going to happen and the doctors can't be sure except that there will be a change of behaviour and impairment to his general cognitive and everyday functioning. But the most important thing now is for him to make it through this critical stage.

I hope everyone who reads this pray for him. My friend's family are Christian but I'm sure every form of prayer dedicated to Aaron will be heard no matter what religion you practice. With that I end this post with a last note : Accidents happen but precaution is the first necessary step. Take care of yourselves my dear friends.. if not for your own sakes but surely for the many who care for you too..

Being Ancient Ain't Easy.. Apparantly So's Being a Techie.

I was one of those very incompetent and inept PC/notebook/laptop/MAC users sometime ago.. the catch is, I never thought it'd be THIS hard on the tech people.

Hmmmmmmm...... At least I wasn't that bad.. Was I? *ponders* I don't think so.. lol..

So do you belong in the tech savvy, easy-peasy group? My profound apologies to the people who had to put up with such torturous experience.

LESSON : Don't become a tech support person.

Goodbye my friend..

On 24th August, 2006 our dear friend Cindy Chandra left us for an exchange to McGill Uni., Montreal, Canada. Let me tell you.. she has guts this one. She has no fixed accommodation whatsoever, and no friends at Montreal to help her out and she nevertheless packed her bags and went. I could never face something with so much uncertainty.

Fondly known as Chand/Chandra (And NO, she's not Ella from S.H.E. lol), she is my ultimate "steam" partner. Hahaha.. don't ask me what that means, it just came up randomly and stuck. :) Chandra is one hell of a gal, fun and a big tease, she never fails to cheer you up with that chubby expression of hers.. :) During Trinity days, she was a student representative. I didn't really know her back then, just a distant acquaintance. During first year, we took the same subject, Contemporary Culture and Media, and that's where I officially got to know Chandra. :) She speaks kick ass Mandarin for an Indonesian plus she's working her way to a Diploma in French as well. :)

The morning Chandra was suppose to leave, Tsu Ann, Cindy Yeo, Natasha and I decided to go up to the airport to send her off. Of course, she didn't know :D Heh heh heh... We all woke up to a rainy, freezing morning which suited the mood perfectly. It's weird how you perceive things to be "just right" when it actually happens and don't give it a thought when it doesn't. Coincidentally, Chandra said she was ready to bring her unique brand of heatwaves to Montreal :D Boy are they gonna get scorched or what! lol :P

The four of us arrived around 8.30am by taxi. Funny thing, not one of us knew her flight number. Hahah.. But Cindy Yeo knew Chand was booked with United (one of the main USA carriers) and the rest of us distinctively heard that her flight was around 10.30am. So we waited... and waited... and waited some more..

United Airways - Los Angeles via Sydney then onward to Chicago and finally Montreal, Canada.

Waiting...

Half an hour passed.. we got confused and a bit worried eventually. We did come at the correct time... right? Hahah.. I even had the thought that she might have left already.. :P Spastic, worrisome me. Natasha and I were hungry so we decided to stop... err.. stressing, and each bought a Mega Muffin from Hungry Jacks. On the way back to our seats we spotted Chand in the check-in counter line! Hohoho.. We (Nat, Cindy and I) crept back to the front of the waiting area without her noticing :P

After careful observation and after Chand had checked in (or so we thought), we snuck behind the check-in counters and surprised her.. Heheh.. UNFORTUNATELY....

Chandra's luggage - United Inspected

Yes! Can you believe the luck? Of all the people, Chand was randomly picked for a security check. What did they expect? Bombs ah? Hmmm.. which part of her looks like a terrorist?? LOL.. Did anyone know that if you're travelling via the States to somewhere else you can't bring liquid, not even water to drink? Weird. Anyway, that took quite a while so we lounged around..

Chand's early morning look, without the funky hairdo

Waiting in line to check in after the inspection...

We took lots of pictures outside the custom controls room...

Last minute yaks

Look at the camera Tsu Ann! -.-" :P

Chand's brother, Stanley in action. Heh.

Chand and Cindy Yeo

Chand and Natasha


Chandraaaaaa and I :D

Group picture!

Chandra turning to leave....

At this point Chandra just had to do one last spastic thing. Gal, those are door sensors. LOL. Stop looking so bewildered!

Chand and the door sensor confusion.

And then.. just like that.. our dear friend sets off for her four-month adventure at the other end of the world.. I don't know if I will be here next year, but whatever happens, this is one girl who has brought lots of colour and support during my life in uni.. We miss you already Chand.. take care of yourself..

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To lighten up the mood.. here's something I did while waiting for Chand to arrive at the airport.

There was a faulty electronic departures display at the airport. And that day, the victim was "Denpasar". Here's a few versions of the poor poor poor destination... :/

Dee-pasar - Bangali language


Deh-pasar - Sodehska?

Des-pasar - Spanish?

De'pasar - French?!

De ultimate 1 and only Pasar

Good thing there weren't any confused passangers. At least.. not that I noticed.. I know I know, it takes very little to meet my entertainment expectations. -.-"

-.-" I'm very Malaysian meh?

Congratulations Helen, you are 20% not Malaysian.

That means you're as Malaysian as...


Abdullah Badawi !

How Un-Malaysian Are You?

20% Not Malaysian = 80% Malaysian ah?

Not so much irked by the "Malaysianess". I'm proud to be Malaysian.. but to be associated with that big fish above.. -.-" Which just shows, I should be getting back to my work..

Interested? Take the test at Mr. Kenny Sia's blog.

If you also get that fella don't blame me ah.. you have been warned.

Repressed Feelings

Sigh. I can't seem to get over this phase of my life. Where is my self-esteem? It disappeared sometime ago but I don't know where to go looking for it. Everytime I tell myself all my good qualities I feel snobbish/pretentious. These two values I really dislike, maybe that's why I can never go around to successfully praising my inner self, not to brag, but just to make myself feel better. <--- you see? I can't even say outright what I wanna say about "self-awareness" without being afraid I sound arrogant.

I asked Dr. Haslam (my personality and social psych lecturer) what are the different effects of self-consciousness. He says it could go both ways. Internal and external consciousness. Internal consciousness is when you know yourself well, you are firm with your values, thoughts and beliefs. The trick is, sometimes these mental states can be negative and have dire consequences. External consciousness is when you use perception/feedback from other people to know about your behaviours/attitude. In other words, what you think of yourself is your intepretation of what others think about you.

To begin with, you have to have a very weak sense of personal self. A lot of your judgments are based on how you think other people think of you. I'm not sure how to explain this any better, coz it gets complicated. But here goes...

On one hand, I'm not a very assertive person. If I submit myself to a statistical measure on assertiveness. I'd score close to zero. Because I know I'm not assertive, and it's not in my nature, when I eventually TRY to do it.. I'm afraid I might come across as too assertive. I think a lot of people will realize when I point this out, when we start getting into a verbal battle and I stop abruptly, don't take it personally. I just feel very uncomfortable doing that.

It's kinda like in a job interview. Assertiveness is a valued trait. So people prepare to go in looking like they're "assertive". What they forget is, active listening is also important. Therefore, in order to "bring out" the non-existance assertiveness in themselves, the overcompensation and "lack of experience" kills their chances because they come off as overly dominant. As I slowly learn to be more assertive, I find myself being just "too assertive" sometimes (or maybe that's all in my head) then I draw back. Every 3 steps I take forward, I take another 5 back. So now I end up worse than ever. That, and including all the confusion swimming around in my head. To be or not to be literally. If I seem like a confident and cheerful person to you, that was my former self showing for a while but after that, I get all weird and quiet. Thus, Helen = notorious mood swinger.

Having said that, this is what happens. Contrary to trying to change myself, I sometimes think, "So what? I'm not assertive. I can deal with that." The ultimate issue behind this is, all that confusion leads me to rethink my mentality. Maybe I should just accept who I am, and love myself for all the flaws and good points (which I have yet to believe in) I have. Why should I change anything? When I attempt to change, I find myself asking, "Does wanting to change mean I don't love myself?" Added to all that, this isn't just about assertiveness. There is a whole range of traits I've been thinking over and over again. My "generosity" (which I think of as stupidity in some ways because I go all out), my physical form, my temperament.. careful.. I score high on neuroticism (see Costa and McCrae's Five Factor Model).. and a whole bunch of other stuff all jumbled up somewhere inside..

Heh. Those are some really intensed thoughts huh. Some peeps are probably saying to themselves, "There she goes. Thinking too much again. Being self-defeatist and all." It's not easy to change who you are, and it's hard for me to truly appreciate myself. Nuff said. To all the cheerful people out there, it's ok to be down once in a while. You actually learn more, so long as you get back up again yea. (This is my defensive side talking, see what I mean about the negative self-consciousness? I'm tempted to take back what I just typed, but I'll keep it there for now.)

Probably the only way I feel like I can express my feelings is through writing on auto-pilot. So yea.. it's only here I sound like I know what I'm saying. In real life? If I fumble with my speech.. if I get too nervous in front of any of you to make a complete sentence, or when I don't join you at all, stay in a corner, brood and look "anti-social".. that's my lack of self-esteem talking. With all that said, I don't need any pity and please don't attempt to babysit me. I appreciate your kindness, but I'd rather you be understanding than be friend with me just because you think you ought to.

Well.. I should probably get back to my work. Having not much going for me, I could at least try my best in studies even if I might not make it into honours. My average is round about 72 only. A far cry from last year's 79.6 % cut-off point. Nite :)

Outrageous!!!!

O.M.G.!

Everyone guess what happened??!?!?!?!!?!?

St. Joseph Kuching actually WON the NATIONALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For the first friggin' time!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's so bizzare. EVERYONE is shocked. :O How did that happened? DAMN! I missed the most exciting/controversial competition EVER!

HAhahaha.. despite everything else (including my ignorance as to what happened during the comp), CONGRATS to the JOSEPHIAN BOYS esp. Jason Yeo.. You flew Sarawak's banner proud this morning! ROCK ON!!~~

Official Results:

Gold 1st - SMK St. Joseph Kuching, (Sarawak)
Gold 2nd - SMK Chung Hwa Wei Sin, K. Terengganu (Terengganu)
Gold 3rd - Victoria Institution, Kuala Lumpur (Kuala Lumpur)
Gold 4th - SMJK Keat Hwa, Alor Setar (Kedah)
Silver 5th - SMK Tinggi Klang, Klang (Selangor)
Silver 6th - SMK (P) Methodist, Kuantan (Pahang)
Silver 7th - SMK Ave Maria Convent, Ipoh (Perak)
Silver 8th - SMJK Jit Sin, Bukit Mertajam (Penang)
Bronze 9th - SMK Paduka Tuan, Segamat (Johor)
Bronze 10th - SMK Perlis, Kangar (Perlis)
Bronze 11th - SM Ken Hwa, Keningau (Sabah)
Part. 12th - SMK Chung Hwa, Kota Bahru (Kelantan)

Best Drum Major : SMK Chung Hwa Wei Sin, K. Terengganu (Terengganu)
Best Preperation : SMK Ave Maria Convent, Ipoh (Perak)
Best Percussion : Victoria Institution, Kuala Lumpur (Kuala Lumpur)

Congrats to all bands for the hard work and effort put for this year's competition!!!! Looking forward to next year already... :) Band Life Rocks :D

*I will be putting videos up as soon as they are made available

21st Birthday :)

In a few minutes my birthday will be over.. :) Another year older..


Wiser? (Cooler? :P Me being stupid) LOL.. I don't know.


Nah.. this is more like it :)

Like Anna says, it's the BIG 2-1, in the States (where she's from) it's the legal age to drink and have the excuse of being drunk. :D "Cheers to that but also love your liver!" LOL. I hear you gal.

How do I feel about it? Honestly, every birthday reminds me of is how lucky I am to have such wonderful friendships. There may be times when I discover a few hiccups along the way, but what's one or two thorns when there is a whole garden of roses in my backyard (literally "having my back") and a lovely home surrounded by my family members. :)

Here are the things I received for this year's birthday. Materials, gifts. I like them, but I love the genuine wishes and sentiments hidden behind which the things can never hold a candle to. So here I thank EVERYONE. Presents, cards, a single wish, a song, a text message. I hear your love :) I'm the luckiest girl on this day to have so many people who care about me.

The first gift that came was from Iris. Hehhe.. My dear primary school pal here reads my mind as always. We're just too similar, she knows what I enjoy. So it's not a surprise when I open the wrapper to THIS!


James Patterson - Judge and Jury. Not to mention two sets of series. Thanks Iris!!!

The second gift is from Emily, brought to me by her brother Danson. A long time friend who has never forgotten our friendship although we're almost halfway around the world from each other as she studies in UK.

A 21st Birthday Plague. It's like a mirror. Titled "Reflections on Life". Reflecting back on the 21 years of my life, it has been a long and bumpy road, but I've made it through fine. It's only going to get better. :)

This necklace with the letter "H" on it and a fuzzy bear mobile chain (which is now hanging from my backpack.. HeHe... *winks*) is from both Cindy Yeo and Cindy Chandra as well as Keat Mei!!! Thanks GaLs!!!!!!!!!!

Yvonne and Rosanne!!! Two gila gals in my uni life. LOL. Never fail to kill me with their funniest antics! HEhe.. This beautiful card and scented candles are from them... :)))


These two aunties ah.......... -.-" LOL.. I really don't know what to do about this next gift. It just cracks me up everytime I look at it, which isn't very helpful coz I have to DRINK from it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, it's a cup!!!!!!! Note the design. Imagine all the spilled water.... Ok, don't imagine that. :P

Now, this big-brown-soft-cuddly bear is a nice surprise from sisters Wei Yuen, Wei Jin, Natasha (jellyfish.. lol) and Yan Yao (teacher)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's staying permanently on my bed as my sleep partner. :D


YENMIN! Thank you for this wonderful key chain. Hehe.. You've totally hit the nail on the head. Maybe you didn't realize, (or maybe you did), the description fits me. LOL. *paiseh* It's now hanging on my backpack too :)

Hahah.. O.M.G. The ever creative Yi Ying did something so unexpected. This is the card she drew from scratch.

Nice right?

EVEN BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! JASON MATTINGLEY! My favourite (handsome, most engtaoness) lecturer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUAKS! Maybe my coursemates are a bit sick of hearing me drooling over him every lecture :P Wakakakka..

Another hand-made card for my birthday. :) Naturally, it's drawn by a member of the sets crew, ANNA! :) Dear Anna has quickly become a close friend within weeks. :) And YES, I hope to visit you in San Fran one day. :) Here's to many more study sessions and heart-to-heart talks this semester :)

Words from my childhood friends, Augustine and Colin (also my cousin). If you squint, you can read the words. Arent they sweet? From diapers (kindy) till now. Hoho.. ;) How cool is that..


A handkerchief from Uluru (hanging on my wall) by Augustine.. :D Appreciate the unique BLUE (*note the word blue) pattern.. ;) ART.

Here's a shirt comfy from Colin. Hahaha.. only my cuz would guess that I needed something new to wear :P THANKS! And it fits perfectly too :D I wore it today :P

Jingting, after 4 years of staying together, knows my love of music. :D Here are FOUR CDS, one Jazz themed and a set of three "Encyclopaedia of Musicals" :D Which I happen to be listening to now. Heheh.. Thanks JT! :)

Ah Yaow! Who shares the same birthday.. :) Gave me this bear cup!

Seems like bears are the norm this year~ ;) I couldn't have asked for a better person to share the same birthday.. Happy 23rd Yaow! :D


Smile Ah Yaow, smile!!

Last but not least, this humoungus......................



GREEN CACTUS! This prickly thing is from Tsu Ann.. Heheheh.. The words on it read "Happy BIG BIG 21st! Hope you can be as 'tough' as this cactus!" I will try my very best girl.. hahaha.. thank you for being such a supportive friend to me always... I really appreciate that.. :) Not to mention the fact that you arranged my dinner for me too.. I can't thank you enough.. :) Here's cheers for you (your version), "BooOoOooOoooooo!!!!!" LOL



Here are the array of cards I received.


Wishes from Pei Sze (all the way from Switzerland), Bel, Ian (who predicatably called in the middle of the night!!! -.-" shoo! go to sleep!), Ben (Momok who serenaded me with a "complimentary" nenek version.. lol), Phoebe, Mabel, Vera, Yii Fen (who called from Miri), Hwan, Shin Rong (the perfect ending to the birthday!!!! Called all the way from the States during his lunch break.. aww.. :D), Chun Ping, Meng Yee (all the way from India :D ), Chunny, Alan (donkey!), Jack, Kim, Adey, Barry, Hellen (my twin! ;D), small Esther, Esther (Psych), Yik Yung, Mann Chii, Alan, Andy, Sabrina (Psych), Sabrina (Labuan), Dunstan, Jimmy, a few voteband.com peeps like Estee (Kuantan), Leon (Silver V.) and Vasanta (JB), Guan Hui, Aline, Yolanda, Pei Xin, Ginny, William, all CMG peeps and the stage surprise :) I hope I didn't miss anyone out!!


Stage Surprise!!

Three cakes.. from my dear sister Annie and housemate Betty (Black Forest), the guys August and Colin (Brunetti's Tiramitsu) and from the present CMG gals (Marble Cake)... That makes a lot of wishes.. including the slice of Triple Choc Mousse on Saturday night.. :)

The whole group at La Porchetta...

With family.. Annie and Colin..

With coursemates, from left: Yvonne, Rosanne, Tsu Ann, Yi Ying and Hellen.

With 876 housemates, Annie, Jingting and Betty!!

"Helen.. Happy 21st Birthday.. Love always from Daddy, Mommy and Albert..."

Here's my wish for everyone, "May all your wishes come true..."